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:dark: A heyurizen? A sex haver? Of course you won't believe it... but its true, and I took it too far

As of last month, my relationship with my girlfriend is over.

We had an online relationship, although we lived very close to eachother. We met a few times, and the chemistry was perfect. She loved me, I loved her. She was so cute, perfect body, perfect face, and perfect personality. Every day I thanked the heavens for her :cry:

The opportunity finally came about 2 months ago, she was on break, and her parents were gone for 3 days. She invited me to her house. It was my first time in there.

She changed out of her jeans into some shorts, which really excited me. I made an advance but she rebuffed me, but we still enjoyed the rest of the night

The second night, she invited me back. I asked her beforehand, in an indirect way, whether we could 'do it'. She gave an affirmative.

As night approached, I advanced again, and even though she seemed reluctant, I chalked it up to teenage nervousness

My vision was going white with excitement, I even came in my pants before we even got in bed together. I struggled at first, my PENIS points skywards when its excited, and I struggled to bend it into place

Well, we got things going but she quickly asked me to stop because it was painful :dark:

We kept trying, and eventually got going again. But she was very uncomfortable, and she started yelling for me to stop as I was about to climax.

I didn't listen, I came inside her and she pushed me off...

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>>165622
>it still feels horrible to think that she'll go off with some other stupid guy
... weren't YOU the stupid guy in this case? sounds like she had zero fun.
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there are only two possible options:
a: OP is lying about the details and raped a girl (;´Д`)
b: the girl is a psycho bitch (;´Д`)

well, there is the unlikely c: OP has a BIG DICK ヽ(´∇`)ノ
but like, TOO BIG (;゚∀゚)
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>>165728
OP pics of dick or didnt happen
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>>165728
OP IS A HERO A COOL AND A PHILOSOPHER IF FIRST
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i totally had sex with a girl and my dick was so big she screamed

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Evolution is GAY AND FAKE!!!
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You silly humans can just press and hold the B button to stop it.
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but it's in spore and everything in spore is real
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you're gay and fake :drool::drool::drool::drool::drool::drool::drool:
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i think a monkey could hold an onahole
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>>165662
When I was in college, taking evolutionary anthropology, all I could think during class was how much I wanted to FUCK the ancient pre-modern human girls and become the reason why mankind has its intelligence with my superior genes from the future. ヽ(´∇`)ノ

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TEH ULTIMATE CHRISTMASU TREE
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Slutty tree! :biggrin:
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>>165693
sexy tree

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キタ━━━(゚∀゚)━━━!!
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COCK CLOUD!!!!!!!!1

AAAAAAAA FRIED SPIDERS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD AND DELICIOUS MMMMM
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GROSS!!:xp:
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i doubt this claim

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>When I wanted to do the rape scene, I explained to [Mara Lorenzio] that I was going to hit her and rape her. There was no emotional relationship between us, because I had put a clause in all the women's contracts stating that they would not make love with the director. We had never talked to each other. I knew nothing about her. We went to the desert with two other people: the photographer and a technician. No one else. I said, 'I'm not going to rehearse. There will be only one take because it will be impossible to repeat. Roll the cameras only when I signal you to [...] And I really... I really... I really raped her. And she screamed."
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masterpiece
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Hawt.

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HEYURI SAUCE
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>>165554
No, BECAUSE we have green semen they have green hair
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that's a pretty smooth color, I have a feeling it's pretty good...

But not as good as the Heyuri Jam™! Heyuri Jam™ is the latest in jam technology, created only from highest quality fruit and spent uranium rods! Millions of people of all races have praised Heyuri Jam™ for its quality, affordability and, above all, TASTE!
Born from the genius minds at Heyuri Corp, founded in 1974, the Heyuri Jam™ was originally the Heyuri Juice™, unfortunately the recipe back then didn't get much traction but the owner, Richard Lolico, while having passionate anal sex with Kaguya on top of the Heyuri Juicifier™, accidentally knocked a jar of expired milk into the Heyuri Juice™ and that was the birth of the first iteration of Heyuri Jam™!
Come on! What are you waiting for?!
Available at a Heyuri store near you

"Better than sex!" -Virgin who tried Heyuri Jam™
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>>165613
GODDAMNIT, KAGUYA!! :angry:
TEN TIMES I BOUGHT HEYURI PREMIUM! TEN TIMES!!
AND STILL I SEE ADS IN EVERY THREAD!!! WTF?!!! FIX IT NAO!!! :angry:
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yummmmmmm heyurifredo :biggrin:
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i love fishing ( ´ω`)
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I FUCKING LOL'D

who is under that box :unsure: also figurine bread :shii:
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キタ━━━(゚∀゚)━━━!!
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>>165583
>figurines
Here.
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>>165657
i regret not picking up pani poni dash at the store for cheap
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>>165657
Excellent collection. :biggrin:
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>>165673
Here's one I picked up in LA

MELONZ
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>>165593
Raita melons ヽ(´∇`)ノ
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キタ━━━(・∀・)━━━!!
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238423

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this shit is the weirdest fetish I've ever seen in my life :dark: I don't even want to imagine the person who has this kind of fetish :closed-eyes:
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This is my fetish .. :biggrin:
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キタ━━━(゚∀゚)━━━!!
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>>165320
I really wish I hadn't seen this
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Can you fap to this??? (゚ー`)
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yeah... must be a real weird sort of person who gets off to this... :sweat2: right guys?

COMMENCING OPERATION "TINY PENIS, BIG LOAD"

GIVE US A SHOTA BOARD
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>>165391
chico is my absolute favorite

SHOTA BOARD. NAO!
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cute

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IVE DONE IT, IVE STOLEN CHRISTMAS, AND BEST OF ALL THOSE FAGS WILL NEVER KNOW (`∇´)
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santa-san... wheres mah lolis? :cry: :cry: :cry:

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Whats a good thinkpad for basic internetting? 💻☺

Anyone knows? Thinking about getting one used.
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>>164930
system76 makes some cool looking modern ones without IME if that matters to you, but they are a gazillion dorrar each
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>>165505
who still uses dvds on their laptop. :sweat3:
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>>165573
how else am i meant to watch rozen maiden?
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>>165532
i dont really think IME is that big of a deal.


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