>2

"CHEW ON THIS!"

Chunks of banana flesh fly out of your mouth as you mouth the words above. The room remains eerily silent as anything you try to say is dampened by the congealed mass of banana, spit and blood inside your mouth. Seconds turn to minutes turn to days. The air is still.

A loud groan breaks everyone's trance. You feel a torrent raging in your belly as gut bacteria and digestive enzymes start breaking down the inrush of fruity sustenance. With every molecule broken down more gas is released, and soon enough you find that your legs are useless in moving your grossly distended abdomen. A foul liquid smelling of imouto vomit begins leaking out your belly button, slowly at first and then shooting out like a super soaker. This compound would later be weaponized in the Schism Wars of the North, but that is a tale for another time.

With what little control you have left, you concentrate on squeezing your sphincter as hard as you can. You have known ecstasy, and you wish to share the opportunity to partake in this "grand feast". The room shakes as your legs spasm uncontrollably, rocking you back and forth. As you roll on your side your liver is crushed by the shifting mass, and so are your lungs. If physical laws still held this would have been a particularly brutal method of execution, something thought of by truly depraved individuals in the bowels of GUROchan. But this is not the physical world. If it were, you would have burst after the 200th banana, or collapsed from the combined effects of radiation exposure and potassium poisoning.

You can't feel it, but something snakes its way down your intestines under the increasing liquid pressure. Muscles contract as hard as they are able before tearing under the strain of effort. Soon enough, the liquid front is hammering against the walls of your ANUS.

......

You are constipated.

2 (1, hehe)

The M1911 is said to be one of the greatest handguns ever made. It holds only 7 rounds, enough power to end any man, fag or otokonoko. You have never held such a fine piece of mechanical engineering as the one that appears before you.

Suzuran finally takes the last bite of the banana in her hand. She turns to see what the commotion is about.

Hachi, exhausted after finally beating the shit out of kaguya (no homo), comes to find a morbidly obese fat fuck rolling in his thread. He might have been inclined to masturbate straight away, but unfortunately the anon's PENIS fails to distract him as effectively a VAGINA would. He sees the opportunity for hilarity as you set your sights on the landwhale.

"I...I'M..."

You cannot make out what the landwhale is saying, but it does not matter. You squeeze the trigger.

CRACK.

One bullet. You squeeze it again.

CRACK. CRACK.

You can see holes forming on the belly of the anon before you. His blood, more banana than blood at this point, oozes out like custard and dribbles down onto the marble floor.

"CUMMING!!!"

......

The banana cat has woken up to the sound of gunfire. It looks at what has caused the sound, though before its brain can process any visual information it throws itself violently against a wall, rupturing every major organ and leaving a visible impact crater on the marble.

What a horrific smell!

The room is now tinted in yellow by the glow cast by the overhead lamps. A film of unnatural fluid has cured itself on the glass, coloring any light shining through a shade of pee. The same coating stains the walls and marble floors, its acidity more offensive to the marble than glass. Scoring marks, cracks and holes have formed all around the room: some, the result of corrosion; others, the pressure of the semen cutting jet.

SUZURAN IS FUCKING DEAD! You see her lying on the wet ground, bisected cleanly along her nipple line, her mouth coughing up blood and partially digested banana. You stop yourself from wondering whether her lower half might have been fertilized by the unholy cocktail masquerading as human semen. Now is not the time for fapping (you can visit /s/ after to forget this entire ordeal).

If you ask Hachikuji today what events transpired in the banana thread he will merely say that an anon ejaculated inside a giant banana, which was the subject of many LOLs to be had at the time. He will intentionally fail to mention the barrels upon barrels of hazardous waste currently buried under /q/, or how the moderation team had to tape what was left of Waha back together after he was suddenly blown apart while coding, or how 1 in every 10 bananas eaten in Heyuri now contain taipan venom, not enough to be immediately obvious, but sufficient to cause total body paralysis if any anon manages to eat more than a hundred bananas in one sitting.

......

"Did you enjoy your time here, anon?"

You wake in a cold sweat, the last memory you had being of the moment the violently contorting PENIS directing its noxious spray directly in your face.

"I heard a loud bang as the moon exploded. As pieces of moondust fell I found you with your face buried in the dirt. If I were you I would stay away from mirrors for a bit."

Your eyes try to focus on the source of the voice in front you.

"I am heading off now. There is much work to be done. Do enjoy the rest of this festival while you have the time. It appears the gate will soon close, and both the physical and the digital worlds will drift apart once more."

You see her now. She looks to be a young girl in a black dress, though you do not fully trust your eyes after almost drowning in banana jizz. Before you can think of a reply she is gone.


What a strange world indeed. This entry is one of many that details the experience of one person during the Winter of Cockulus (named after the pseudonym of Max Kensey, a boy who managed to detach his PENIS im the process of penetrating Nobara). Many people were reported "missing" that day, coinciding with an uptick of internet activity and new registrations on forums and social media sites.

With the end approaching you have a choice between returning to the physical world (hell) or remaining in this digital one (heaven). What wonders might you find digging deeper into the land of kereste or the banquet of the accursed party? What horrors might you find when the AI algorithms evolve further, sending their numberless tide of unthinking drones to siege your beloved sites? The answer: I don't know; I am going to bed.