Off-Topic@Heyuri

I don't particularly care about finding love. I'm not the type who cares about getting a girlfriend except when there is someone specific I'm already in love with.
I've been kinda bored and aimless lately, though, so it would be nice to have a female friend to plan exciting things with so I'd feel like something interesting is happening. (I guess a male friend would work for that too, but idk, I don't think I feel as empathetic towards guys mos of the time...)

These days I blow kisses at my neighbor from my window while she's playing outside. It makes me blush and feel all fuzzy inside. I don't think she's seen me, but the other day as I walked past, she started singing "I love you, I love yoooou, I looooove yoooooou!" as she bounced on the trampoline and my heart melted. Perhaps she somehow senses that she has a secret admirer?

That's all I need honestly. Just to hear the lilted voice of a girl and admire her from afar. ( ´ω`)

>>144182
I should add that true love is selfless... I'm starting to think I have really fallen in love with her, since I don't want anything from her at all. She needn't even know I exist. I simply feel blessed to hear her voice, to see her smiling and happy. I think about her all day. Whenever I think about her, I smile. Whenever she falls and gets a booboo, I go "awww poor baby" and I blow her a kiss. When I see her giggle, I giggle too. I pray for her safety and that she has a bright future, and I thank God that he placed me in her vicinity. With her delicate blond locks, she's my beautiful little sunbeam. My rainbow at the end of a storm. When I remember her singing, any anger or sadness I feel vanishes you see. She's like a little fairy that waves a magic wand and makes everything better.

I actually have a GF!

unfortunately, both of us are broke and live with family
our chances of moving in somewhere together are basically nil because of our lack of real job prospects

>>144185
A heyurian with a gf…wow…thatza first

>>144186
honestly, I don't know how it happened, I got lucky in college
I was fully ready to build my own onahole doll thing at the time, but we hit it off and that was it （⌒∇⌒ゞ）

>>144189
awh..thats pretty sweet. Guud luck anon!!!

The carnal part of me desires a cute girlfriend/wife very much, but the mental part of me realizes it is not only improbable, but would also be a disaster of epic proportions in my current situation

Personally, OP-san, I have cultivated enough compassion to realise that it would be absolute torture for any woman unfortunate enough to call herself my waifu/girlfriendo, but I will not resort to fappan, pr0n only hurts the brain. I will have to find a creative way to unleash my urges for human touch and otherwise, sexual gratificationz.

I had a gf but Heyuri is better

i've had girlfriends but i'm much happier without one plus the last time i had sex it was so bad that i vowed to never have sex again. lolis are superior to women in every single way you can think of.

dunno but i liked chasing a girl better than making it official with her. last time i had one she broke up with me because i cancelled a lot of our outings. she was ugly and fat so maybe thats why i wasnt interested in anything past our first kiss

If child marriage would be legal I could just buy one

Last week-end I I swore Iwould actually register on a dating app!!!!! I need to overcome the cringe of writing a description of myself and talking to strangers

>>144213
unless ur a girl its a waste of effort

I think I will try but not yet. I still have lots of things to do before it.

I have an idea how I could work self employed and quite possibly making a fortune. If I don't get too many contracts I have plan B and C and D for money but they would not be as effective but still.

I ideally plan to move to ultimate forgotten countryside where time is in stasis, buy cheap land (because there is no youth born anymore at 1.0 tfr, all remaining youth flocks to cities, and old gramps are gonna start dying in the countryside very soon with their kids in cities just selling it to whomever). I want it to be mostly isolated but I also want a big city in proximity like an half to an hour of driving.

I would ideally want to buy a property with some creek and make it an electricity source myself, I will manage legal stuff if it happened to be an obstacle.
I would build one heated brick house and fortify it, built in a way specifically to prevent arsens and lock windows if they get broken. Seeking at least 200 square meters of a heated fortress above ground level + basement for food, coal and item storage. I would not go to cities often but I would buy in bulk whenever I do go there, and buying in bulk is much cheaper, what a win. I would stockpile weapons and military type of equipment, I would get lots of rice for tough times or a siege (because if stored correctly rice does not really spoil at all)

I would build one separate building beside my fortified house. Not heated, tightly locked and I need it to shield stuff from moisture because it would be my workshop with expensive equipment and deadly objects.
Like any mature chemist - I don't clean my equipment very well and simply touching a stain had I spilled something could result in frying neural system and death!
Like any mature electrician - my high voltage towers would have no fence around it, not a sign of high voltage, not even a diode whether its on or not!
I would do everything cool in there. So it would be locked hard. I wonder how much cool things I would build there. My ultimate favorite time wasting method is fucking around in a lab.

I think I will manage a money source to afford it all if I work hard and I don't get caught. Bigger problem is to launder it without raising suspicion. I need initial stacks of money to start it all.

If I manage all of the above I would look for a wife and breed like crazy having space and money for lots of kids. She could stay at home and free me from babies crying because I hate that sound so much until they are not annoying and able to learn and work at like 6 or 7. If no school is found in proximity then they would be homeschooled. I would aim for like 10 kids. Education years 1-12 are not real education anyway and just passing grades is sufficient and I would not ask kids to do more than bare minimum. I would not teach them much in terms of mandatory education program besides barely passing since it is a waste of time and motivation which I can attest. Instead I would teach engineering to the max as realistically only engineering, medicine and fraud jobs (like politics, pals of politicians or law related) can lead to success and independence in life.

I would build a loyalty and a sense of national separation between the family and the rest of the country so that they do not switch sides and sell out the family to the outside under no circumstances. I wish for my family to be my best job partners. I hope we could manage to build a bigger network once kids are mentally able to spread the influence and fame of the family like hosting festivals at our cost, giving out free education at uni level to anyone, eventually giving jobs and so on gaining an insight of who is an honest worker, test loyalty of people to pick favorites to indoctrinate, and finding business contacts with other clans.

At tfr of 1.0 people have one kid on average while I would have much much more. Lots of loyal kids is the best investment of our times. Like my 10 kids marrying off to the only kids of opposing families would build up so much wealth simply by inheritance from spouses of kids, spouses who get inheritance from 4 gramps and 2 parents - that is a lot - and that times 10. I hope I manage to instill loyalty to the family so well that my kids themselves volunteer to convert their spouses into loyal subjects of the family and continue the job Fujiwara style. Sons would manage it easy, but I would need husbands of daughers to submit and I would probably have to do it myself or cut them off from the family if I fail. It is not wise to leave door open to possible traitors, so its best to kick them out.
I think it is realistic that my family could gain enough of influence to infiltrate or overthrow the state for the benefit of the family. It will be all so much easier because people would have at most one successor as the head of the family each generation alive in the form of their sole kid while I would have lots of backups and if all kids are loyal I am the king and they are princes and princesses ruling according to their hierachy.

It is sad that family has no meaning nowadays and nobody has ambitious goals. My gramps were honest, happy, ambitious and tighly knit, but they had no opportunity for a lot of things and despite everything turned out very well for their very bad situation. I wish to do it for them. Parents were more peasant minded - having a belief that education leads to a good job and did not mention much win besides a house and a car - but there is more to this world! There are immaterial things that are worth it. Low tier ambition is material, high tier is material + larping as a separate world, a colony, an independent and self sufficient entity that needs nobody else to be happy and prosper.

The biggest unknown is whether I get myself a wife who is ok with it all and whether she would be loyal. Time will tell, but my motivation to work is here. If everything goes well I would hire any heyurizen in need of a job, first for a trial and extend it indefinitely if he took my last name and swore loyalty. For now I am enjoying myself on teh HEYURI!!!!!

i'm pretty low libido which is probably suprising on heyuri but i also think it's because of being schizoid or something. it makes me feel closer to holiness btw i'm early 20s and i still dream of my 8th grade crush and if i see her irl NOW i would probably collapse on the floor
tbh i think every time i had a girl in mind i would only think about that and loose all my projects and interests. it's like a double edged sword where suffering loneliness makes me want to do more useful shit and advance in life where girl are just this big distraction where you eventually find yourself at point zero again with years in life lost. if i had a gf early in life i doubt i would have got into old interwebz and unix and read stuff like nietzsche and jung or some important media which helped me immensely

>>144214
I convinced myself i should try. no matter how I look at it, it's either that or being a virgin all my lief

Can't say I want to be with a real girl. I long for being closer with 2D girls but they are products of male fantasy, real girls seem disappointing. I'm also disappointing compared to 2D males so it's understandable

ｷﾀ━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━!!

Maybe... I hope i do
144179 said it best

>>144217
Svetlana Longpostfield

>>144177
Normally I have such little hope in females that id just say that i just plan to jack off my whole life, but a good friend of mine got a GF recently and it made me really happy to see that it was possible for someone whos similar to me to be happy with a GF. From what I've observed they are perfect for each-other - and that means that someone who is perfect for me is out there as well. So yes I do think i will find a GF
On the off chance a babe is reading this fill out my girlfriend application on my website mysticcombat.com

>>144241
It makes me happy when people realize they dont have to jack off to anime girls theyre whole liaf lel. Ganbatte anon-san!

>>144241
If you find that special lady, make sure you marry her... I had the perfect woman once and I let her slip away.

She was 16 (legal where we live) and very intelligent by any standards, but especially so for her age. We could have deep conversations and discuss anything, we watched movies and amine together... we had such much fun. She was amazingly attractive too; pretty face, soft voice, huge, perfectly shaped breasts, perfect nipples, perfect tummy, butt and thighs. She had meat on her bones, but wasn't chubby. Wide hips, hourglass figure. Delicious, tight pussy... And best of all she was very, very sexually dominant and I was her puppy dog. I'll probably never find a woman who will sit on my face and call me good boy like that ever again...

Still, I can't even be sad about it. She was so out of this world that I can only be happy that I even had her for the time that I did. Don't frown because it's over, smile because it happened, right?

>>144249
I mean even if i find a gf im still totally gonna spend my life jacking off to anime girls. The only type of woman i can tolerate being around is the type of woman who rapes shotas just as i rape lolis desu

>>144252
If you dont mind me asking, what exactly does "letting her slip away" mean

>>144189
I'm glad for you, but reading about happy people's success makes me want to brutally end myself. Especially since you didn't even try to find one, sounds like she just fell into your lap.
One of my major insecurities is I still live with my parents. I have a job but it pays like shit, and I'd never be able to live on my own unless I find an actual career. Fuck, even then it seems impossible at this rate.

>>144261
I have hope for you anon-kun. Success takes time.

>>144262
It seems like college is the ultimate dating spot for nerds who didn't get laid in high school. I don't have the money for college, and I'm too old for it anyway.
I'm on a waiting list for medication because the way I am now, I'm far too ADD ridden to be successful in trade school. Wouldn't be able to keep up with the homework. My depression and inability to pay attention makes me seem dull, and the social anxiety/body image issues that come from this make it impossible for me to have intimate conversations. No one understands my issues, so they distance themselves from me. I'm the outcast at work.
I'm glad you're normal and happy. There's no hope for me though.

>>144267
I understand to a degree, i have anorexia and social issues idk about depression or anything else like that but i at least understand your struggle a little. Everyone probably struggles with at least something. Theres nothing much i can do to help but i hope your medication helps and you feel better at least

>>144260
Kind of a long story, and if you meet your own lady, yours will be different. I'll tell you mine though, because maybe you can glean something from it.

She wasn't actually my girlfriend you see, it was a situationship as it's known as these days. She had a boyfriend whom she was intent on marrying eventually, but he wasn't giving her very much attention at all and it was a long distance relationship, with a visit planned in a few months time and he had already bought his plane tickets. He was a moron and an asshole who didn't deserve her though, so I didn't feel guilty about our adultery. However one day, she did. She told me that she still loved him. She confessed to him that she'd been cheating. Now, this guy was some kind of MAGA type conservative fag, probably browsed the Donald Trump subreddits and /pol/ generals. And so it was very surprising to me when she told me that he had forgiven her for being cheated on, so as long as we broke up. Maybe cause I'm not black? Although she never mentioned if he had asked.

Anyway, I don't know what happened with them after we split up, but I have my suspicions. I never used soundcloud before but she demanded I get one so we could share music, and so I did. A while after all this I checked on it and saw that she had made a bunch of sad playlists. I think what happened was that he visited her, fucked her, dumped her, and left. After spending months in an LDR and getting cheated on (certainly not seeing his own fault in neglecting this angel) he probably decided to get what he could out of it and bail. So she was left feeling used and alone.

Looking back, I think, shouldn't I have seen that coming? Shouldn't I have warned her? We loved each other's company and I think we could have spent every day together until the end...

>>144270
wouldnt it make sense for her to call you after their supposed break up?

>>144261
everyone lives with their parents now
out of everyone I knew well in college, like 3 of them out of a dozen live on their own (even the ones who have an actual career instead of a low paying job that's unrelated to their major like me), and only one bought a place (he overpaid for what he got, but it is his, and real estate around here is ass so there wasn't a hope of him not spending way too much on a glorified shack)

shits fucked
american dream is dead and gone lol
I'm still around because the idea of dying before all these dumb cunts around me is deeply offensive ( ´ω`)

didn't want to end on such a grim note but it is just kinda grim （ ´,_ゝ`）
at least some of them will have enough cash to afford the place when their parents kick the bucket

>>144270
Sorry you had to deal with that my negro. Ive seen things eerily simmilar happen to people and all of them involve girls younger than 16. Its the entite reason I ignore my pedophilic / hebephilic urges desu

>>144288
I neverunderstood why living with your parents was seen as abad thing desu. Strength in numbers
I cant imagine many heyurians agree though because this sentiment requires loving parents

>>144293
honestly, I know only one person whose family isn't at least kinda obnoxious to be around for more than a few minutes at a time
no one wants to live with their parents because they're general all just deeply unpleasant people to interact with
one of my friends has parents who are so fucking stupid that I am continually impressed they haven't died on accident
that's a little hyperbolic since they're not accident prone or anything, but fuck, how the fuck do these people think the world works?
I can talk to them pretty normally (and occasionally end up stuck talking to them for a while), but I absolutely want to leave ASAP when I see them lol

>>144177
I've never had any girlfriend. I'm not the type of guy to chase after girls just cuz they're pretty. For me to be interested in them, they need to have an interesting personality, similar interests, and to like me as well. Maybe I'll find such a girl in college. I'd actually be fine with such a guy too. But given how niche my interests are in my area, neither is likely to happen.

this is my wife

>>144327
how much? 5usd for a fuck?

>>144328
you will never even get close to my wife ヽ(`Д´)ノ

>>144327
your wife is best friends with my wife.

I have had a girlfriend and I hated her and am happier without her. You should not hope for getting a girlfriend/wife, but hope to find one you will actually like and be happy with.

>>144271
I can't remember if she had a means of contacting me after we split, but if she did I can imagine her opinion of me might have changed. Thinking back again (it was a few years ago now) I can totally see why.

I came away from the situation feeling a bit used. She knew I was a friendless NEET, that I couldn't really say no to her. The only reason I didn't mind being used is because she was so much fun to be with. One of my last communications with her was a strange letter I wrote while hypomanic. I compared her to intravenous drug use, saying that she was destroying me and that I felt enslaved to her, but that I'd willing follow her into the abyss nonetheless. In retrospect I can see how this letter probably made her feel incredibly guilty and bad about herself. She felt guilty about cheating, then about how it affected me. She probably also thought of herself as an immoral, promiscuous, man-eating seductress. Well, I think she liked imagining herself as all those things during sexy times. But when you're alone and brokenhearted it probably hurts to think of yourself like that.

That's all I have to say about this story. I'm going to try to stop thinking about it now.

>>144229
DAMN his voice go straight into my soul

>>144346
My ex's life is miserable as fuck, so I'm happy. She recently got kicked out and I hope she has to suck dicks to get by now lol

>I hope she has to suck dicks to get by now lol
I hope so too (´￢`)
You should stalk her and make sure you are her first client b4 she gets teh inevitable AIDS, that way you can laugh at her and berate her while she sucks your penorz as she needs your money anyways ヽ(´ー｀)ノ

>>144369
Actually thought of doing this b4 lolz. I'm digusted by her though, I wouldn't touch her if you paid me

>>144267
college is last chance. i rejected a pussy in high school and uni.. i think i will never get any

>>144366
BRAAAAMON CREPE, I'MMA WEEIIIIIIDOOOO

>>144391
I'm a crêpe, I'm a weird dough...

>>144395
WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING HERE??

>>144344
cute!

im foreveralone

What do you guys think of my love poem? If you received this with a flower, what would you think? I'm not sure if I'm going to give it to them or not. Also I might work on it some more, so any critique would be appreciated.

To my little sunbeam.

Thy lilted voice and hair of flax
Maketh mine heart to melt like wax
Thy skin so soft and white like cream
Make me to think thou art a dream
Thine wanton joy's a work of art
I am your martyr; pierced by heart
Please don't fear, I'm watching, near
But shall never touch you, dear!

With love,
Your secret admirer.  

>>144469
If i got this id be deeply flattered.

But if this is too sum1 underaged ur getting jail time lel

>>144470
>But if this is too sum1 underaged ur getting jail time lel
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah good thing she's totally not lol. Cause like, that would be extremely deranged, right? Hahahahaha... ha... ha...

I'm really glad my poem is effective though.

>Please don't fear, I'm watching, near
>But shall never touch you, dear!
This b0rks teh iambic tetrameter!!1

Try something like this instead:
"So please don't fear, I'm watching, near"
"But lay mine hands, I shan't, my dear!"

>Maketh mine heart to melt like wax
This is a little off too - could perhaps be:
"Doth make mine heart to melt like wax"

>>144474
I appreciate the help. Would

>And please don't fear, I'm watching, near
>But I shall never touch you, dear!

fix the meter for those lines?

>And please don't fear, I'm watching, near
>But I shall never touch you, dear!
I think it werks

>>144476
Thank you very much anon.

How bad is

>Maketh mine heart to melt like wax

? Because I don't want to just copy your line. If I can't come up with my own improved version I'll stick with the original, because I want it all to come from me.

>>144469
English's not my first language, but shouldn't it be "Thy skin [...] makes me"?

>How bad is
>>Maketh mine heart to melt like wax
When I read that line, the rhythm I perceive is [. . . _ . _ . _ ] (mak-eth-mine-HEART to-MELT like-WAX) instead of [. _ . _ . _ . _ ] (mak-ETH mine-HEART to-MELT like-WAX) since putting the emphasis on -ETH feels unnatural. Since the rest of it is [. _ . _ . _ . _ ], it doesn't flow well IMHO

>>144479
You're right! Must've overlooked that while editing the line several times.

>>144480
>mak-ETH mine-HEART to-MELT like-WAX
I actually do read it like this though... is there a degree of subjectivity in meter depending how people read things then? I've liked that line since I wrote it so I am hesitant to change it unless it seems very flawed.

I'm gonna record myself reading it to see if it sounds the same out loud as it does in my head. And if I'm not too repulsed by the sound of my own voice I'll post a vocaroo.

https://vocaroo.com/12uPOzcRu9DY
Felt really gay reading this, like I should be wearing tights and a cap with a feather in it or some shit. Tis the meter still fucked up, m'lord?

>>144469

>>144469
Was your crush cryogenically frozen for 500 years?
Anyway I'm not an expert in 16th century english, but according to this site I found https://www.shakespeareswords.com/Public/LanguageCompanion/ThemesAndTopics.aspx?TopicId=40
*eth is the 3rd person SINGULAR conjugation, not plural.
So it would actually be "Make mine heart to melt like wax" and "Maketh me to think thou art a dream", not the other way around.

>>144470
I don't think you can go to jail just for writing a creepy letter.

>>144502
>I don't think you can go to jail just for writing a creepy letter.

Ive seen it happen b4

>>144496
Um, thanks.

>>144502
>Was your crush cryogenically frozen for 500 years?
Well you know, every girl wants to be a Disney princess... Originally I had written it in modern English but the archaic style fit better with words like "lilted" and "wanton".

>Maketh
In the first line it refers to a singular person though, so even if referring to plural qualities, it's still correct. But you are right about the second one. Here's a revised version.

Thy lilted voice and hair of flax
Maketh mine heart to melt like wax
Thy skin so soft and white like cream
Maketh me think you're of a dream
Thine wanton joy's a work of art
I am your martyr; pierced of heart
And please don't fear, I'm watching, near
But lay a hand, I won't, my dear

I am grateful for all the feedback. Who knew Heyuri would make such a great wingman?

>>144512
I looked up the laws of my country. Yes I could be arrested and put in jail before[i/] my trial, but to be convicted the prosecution would need to prove beyond reasonable doubt that I had a criminal Mens rea. That is impossible in this circumstance, especially given the last line of the poem.

I might get some dirty looks from people, but I can't be put on the registry for it. Still I have to think whether or not I should send it, not because of the trouble it might cause me but just because I don't want to frighten the girl. I think she'll like it, though... I really do wanna make her blush and put a big smile on her face.

>>144518

>In the first line it refers to a singular person though, so even if referring to plural qualities, it's still correct.
I don't think that's how it works. You wouldn't say "her two eyes is pretty", you'd use the plural "are".

>>144177
Oh, I've had teh gfs. Many times. I used to be somewhat of a player, you know?
But they're not worth it. We all get old. Romance at old age is not worth it. It quickly becomes apparent it's all just a trap from mother nature (or teh Demiurge) to get you to make babies. Looks fade. Youth fades. Vigor fades. Chemical dependence (ie. love) fades.

In the end, even the thrill of fapping to lolis fades.

>In the end, even the thrill of fapping to lolis fades.

nevah!

>>144518
IMHO you should stop with your nerdy poetry shit and just rip off the lyrics of Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli; the loli is too young to now about this song and she will probably liek it moer aneeweys

>>144541
But I wanted to write a poem for her. I felt inspired...