isnt it always my dick talking if id only go for a girl as a straight guy? with heterosexuality, the deal is being attracted to girls both sexually and romantically (unless someone is aromantic or asexual). that part makes sense, but why do people who are sexually attracted to a certain gender almost always end up being romantically attracted solely to that same gender as well? why are there so few people who are sexually into one gender but romantically into another, or romantically into both but sexually into only one? i think its because we're driven to develop romantic feelings for someone only when we also feel sexual attraction toward them.

thats why i question whether romantic love is truly a separate thing on its own. to me romantic love just seems like a very deep emotional attachment (what some might call a best friendship) combined with sexual attraction. it feels like romantic love is essentially having a best friend that youre also sexually attracted to. if romantic love were truly independent, why is it so rare to fall in love with someone whose gender youre not sexually attracted to? why do sexual attraction and romantic feelings need to coexist almost all the time if theyre supposedly different things? imagine two people who are exactly the same in personality, one male one female...

it you love one of them, you should love the other too, theyre identical. but as a heterosexual person, one becomes your best friend and the other becomes your romantic partner (think of the dilemma in the lukako route of steins gate for example). doesnt that suggest theyre the same core feeling, and we only label it romantic love because sexual attraction is added on top? asexual people do exist, which shows that romantic feelings arent always tied to sex. still, i suspect genuine romantic love as something fully separate is way less common than society makes it seem. i really do think people who experience romantic love are way less common than we think. i do not think its that common at all.

i think most people are really just experiencing a deep emotional attachment plus sexual attraction, and they call that combination romantic love, get a girlfriend etc because thats what society presents as the obvious and expected path. of course i wont deny that some people do sincerely experience real romantic love. i know about the three mating drives theory, which would explain a lot of what im asking, but honestly i think that proves my point more if anything; it does explain the connection between romantic and sexual feelings, but not in the way im trying to look for. thats way overly scientific, what im trying to do is understanding what romantical love is, as it does not always follow the scheme of the theory. and of course it is something far more intricate than some bunch of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. or, let's take the sternbergs triangular theory; i think that scheme highlights even more exactly what i think.. intimacy and commitment form companionate love (one could say a best friend), the addition of passion then leads to romantic love, exactly what im pointing out here

as i said im still, despite all this, of the idea that pure romantic love as a feeling does exist, i simply have a lot of difficulty understanding it as a concept