Yo, yo, yo,
Gather ‘round, I got a TED Talk in rap form,
Alfie Kohn in my earbuds, facts in swarm.
You like competition? Man, that’s so last year,
Let me break it down in a way immature and clear.

Yo, competition is gay — and not in a slur,
I mean literally dudes sweatin’ on each other in a blur.
Like, “Bro let’s wrestle,” half-naked on the mat,
“Winner gets a trophy,” loser gets… trauma and a back-pat.

You call that “healthy”? I call it repressed,
Chasin' ego points while you're all gettin' stressed.
"Teamwork makes the dream work" — nah, they lied,
It's “beat your own friends, crush ‘em with pride.”

No contest, bro, this game is whack,
Y’all playin’ dodgeball with a panic attack.
Boss says hustle, coach says fight —
Y’all just flexin’ trauma in a jockstrap, right?

No contest, man, take a seat,
What’s fun ‘bout losin’ and feelin’ defeat?
I read Kohn and my brain went “whoa,”
Now I laugh at games like tic-tac-no.

Office vibes? It’s a Hunger Game,
Karen snitchin’ on Linda just to get acclaim.
Promotions ain’t earned, it’s a death-match maze,
Just capitalism cosplay in business slays.

And don’t get me started on those alpha dudes,
Bench pressin’ their worth while ignoring their moods.
They say “be a winner,” I say “why tho?”
Life ain’t a ladder, it’s more like… a low blow.

You ever seen a dolphin play Monopoly? Nah,
Cuz nature ain’t toxic, it just chill with the spa.
But humans be like: “I must win chess!”
Bruh, it’s just cardboard, sit down and rest.

No contest, bro, this mess is deep,
Y’all grind till burnout, then cry in your sleep.
Game on? Nah man, game’s outdated,
Whole culture’s built like it’s insecure and gated.

No contest, man, flip the script,
Tell your coach he can keep that leadership tip.
I’ll play for fun, you play to slay,
But deep down inside, y’all just gaaaaaayyy.

Yeah, I said it — satirical spit,
Don’t twist my words, I’m clownin’ the pit.
Competition’s broken, rigged, and insane,
Let’s all take a nap and share the same brain.

Peace to Kohn, and peace to play,
Life ain’t a war, it’s just another day.
So next time someone says “win or die,”
Just laugh and say “Bro… why?”