Verse 1

I filled out the application, I ticked every box,
They said my loneliness was an administrative loss.
The Department of Romance said, “We've found your match,”
She comes with free hugs and a government dispatch.

She's got an allocated boyfriend, I've got an allocated date,
Apparently the paperwork says we're compatible by state.
No need for Tinder, no need to swipe,
The government has sorted out my social life.

Chorus

I want my state mandated girlfriend
and I want her now
An allocated Mating Source
Someone to love would be wow!

My state mandated girlfriend
we'd hold hands everyday
A government issued girlfriend
I wouldn't have it any other way

Verse 2

She'd come with an instruction manual,
And a taxpayer-funded guide,
“Please remember flowers weekly,
And keep your feelings certified.”

She'd have a government-issued number,
I'd have a boyfriend ID,
We'd get a couples discount
From the Department of Family.

I'd take her out for lunch each Sunday,
We'd walk around the town,
And if somebody asked us how we met,
“We were centrally assigned!”

Chorus

I want my state mandated girlfriend
and I want her now
An allocated Mating Source
Someone to love would be wow!

My state mandated girlfriend
we'd hold hands everyday
A government issued girlfriend
I wouldn't have it any other way

Bridge

Please form an orderly queue,
Romance applications are now due!
Bring two forms of identification,
And proof of emotional desperation.

The waiting list is six months long,
But surely something can't go wrong...
I've been approved! I've passed the test!
My government girlfriend is the best!

Chorus

I want my state mandated girlfriend
and I want her now
An allocated Mating Source
Someone to love would be wow!

My state mandated girlfriend
we'd hold hands everyday
A government issued girlfriend
I wouldn't have it any other way

Outro

No more loneliness, no more despair,
I've got an allocated woman who cares!
The paperwork's signed, the system agrees—
My girlfriend is a public utility!