>>162461
I know. My subonscious/innate instincts react to these images. Not me. I need to take it into account before I pass full control to them. I do not choose what spooks them. Especially that some fears are innate (like suffocation, darkness, hostile/creepy faces (some call it uncanny valley faces when they are almost but not truly human), human screams and especially screams of toddlers etc.).
There was a fine lecture on youtube about fears!

I am barely if at all present in my body in that state depending on if I black out. Consciously I do not fear death, but in that state it is different. I can only perform most basic actions but only personlessly. Only for objective goals and not from my volition. I cannot alter much what I call "psychedelic thoughts" and they determine mood, emotions, feelings, hallucinations including vision sound touch temperature smell time sense etc. At most I can reset psychedelic thoughts and amnesia helps it a lot.

What remains of me at that time is a soulless tool that takes input from senses (who are all confused, desynced, and fight with each other anyway), but is unable to comment on anything, and who is fine with it (fine is an overstatement, I cannot prefer and I am unable to complain or enjoy). No will, no identity, no attachment, no preference, no love and no hate, complete inability for anything of this sort. Meat sack full of sensory aparature with no human inside. Note that I enjoy ungodly amounts like 500ug. No idea how amounts lower than 450 work.

I agree that existence is an illusion, but I do not mind. By definition it is impossible to comprehend the true reality, only able to refine more and more accurate imaginary mental model of it but it will always remain a belief and an illusion, greater or lesser but a lie. No way to trust anything, I personally do not care and go with it. That is my lie of choice.