As of now I'm beginning to lose resolution and an ability to control my motion! My grips are not very confident, and I lose ethanol each time I fail to connect my medium of transportation of my liquid of choice to the beginning of my digestive tract! It spills and goes down like tears of sorrow destined to have never been answered, to have never been avenged! For nobody to be appreciated by! Left up for the cruel nature of time and evaporation!

At times I feel an urge to rise from my lowly seated position, to jump to skies and above! At the same time, legs and hands are stationary unable to get risen at my command. Torn between the world of action and inaction. Despite recent events I have come back to the all encompassing, peace bringing embrace of ethanol. Fire-water, I take in the water which truly has a moving, warm element of life! Source of motion, one which overrides consciousness and choice. One which teaches what it is to be alive. One which does not judge, nor does it make you do things. The fire, the spark of life that dwells inside of each being, the spirit.

When sufficiently intoxicated by whatever it is you picked - one is truly able to grasp the true nature of existence to an extent. By a nature which does not discriminate by cognitive levels due to the drug stripping you from it, one that is the bare nature. Nature of basic ability to take in the outside sensations and proccess them by the inside. However near or far off would the results of the analysis be, however smart or dumb, however right or wrong your processing of information is - it still leaves you at the doorstep to the absolute and purest reality. Reality that is not obfuscated by human desire and rationality thanks to your drug. You gradually lose the sharpness of everyday cognition due to the drug, lose to the temporary effect of your drug. It makes you reflect on reality in a fundamental way. Restricting yourself to a very limited cognition, the more you consume the less you analyse. And as a consequence you are less able to form desires. Not even on a subconscious level. You don't feel that you are you.

World honored one, you which lives in the three worlds of past, present and future, one which went beyond the shore of humanly affairs. Us, mere humans, are exploring. Dropping desires of our humanly world, dropping forms of our human cognition, and losing our own identity on a way to the formless and desireless realm - we keep going on. Advancing along our one way path to liberation. Cognition must not direct a mind to a choice, to a desire, to no differentiation among forms, to itself identifying with anything. Therefore reaching the other shore.

A world of no suffering, world of no desire, world of no humanity, world of pure world. World that is as it was made. Purest reality of all ways of cognition. Touching the absolute with our own tiny fingers. Embracing nature as it was made. After this long and arduous journey we arrive at the gate of truth as it was made before time and space and matter itself emerged. Most perfect and purest way of perceiving the world. One in which nothing is and isn't. Like a son reuniting with his father, like a lost child finding his family in an old age. Like a being that was summoned from this soil to stand before its creator to listen to the final and most honorable command of his lord. To truly appreciate existence and see through the illusions.

Gate gate paragate parasamagate bodhi svaha.

I'm about to puke out my vodka. Don't leave me, the absolute state. Nirvana, let me remain with you, don't send me back...