>>111814
hello. i was tsundere for anime (strong attachment to wanting to fit in and not become an outcast/be more normie) and only started watching stuff around 16. from what i can gather from your post is that more than just a failure to pursue anime, it is likely that life stress has caught up to you. time to heal, time to grow in that healed state to be more mature and face the world with more craft, is necessary to overcome the critical collapse of that loving self sustaining energy that normally fuels the self to act in love and kindness in all things. i pray for you my friend, as i myself am still such a slave to my past and pursuit of pleasure to abate it, running from healing and the more emotionally attuned self i see myself as becoming after healing. please do not despair, and if you have reliable people to turn to to give you a lot of unconditional love (think of the power of a pure and loving mother) please do not be afraid to turn to them. if you can surrender to the emergence of a new self who operates on principles of loving kindness, and learn not to fall into the trap of attaching to physical pursuits and escaping the present moment, then you will find great victory. God bless you