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>>130656
Boring post ahead! Caution!
I got one close friend during highschool. It is a long story so I will not bother, and I was mostly alone since early childhood so I don't mind being alone.

Early high school was the last time I could talk to anyone.
I don't approach because I must look annoying forcing my person on someone by merely talking.
It feels weird. I wouldn't open up again due to events from early high school because I was so open that even a local judge and police was invited by someone and I don't feel like trusting anymore. Those friends that I made before the court are the ones that would need to last me a lifetime.
I had a mechanics exam today and I exchanged like 15 responses today. It was a lot.
I felt alien. They are too open. And those who are alone seem repulsive mostly due to ignorance and filth although I cannot be sure since I never talked to them.

Majority in general behave like that big city westaboos kind (for lack of a better word), their emotions play a deciding role in their choices and responses which is just disappointing. I did successful things and they are not the people you can trust so I discarded them in general.

Hereby I accuse them of ignorance because they in general seem to be so mentally powerless they cannot attempt doing anything on their own.
For an anecdotal proof is my observation that they seem to believe that actually speaking english is some magic unachievable for mortals. Some are either orthodox about grammar despite failing at it in many regards and whatnot and some others who are so underdeveloped in that language that you simply get disinterested from straightening them up in any aspect.
More ignorance, some people seem too obsessed with imitating the west (or rather america) and that is a good portion of people, they are insufferable, it does not feel like home anymore where our normal local things are pushed out for a country half of earth away.
I did not change much since I was little, my surroundings became foreigners, it is hard to form bonds with foreigners.
One dude was surprised that samba is a thing and his brain blew up from disbelief during some basic networking class, it got to the point I did reveal a fraction of my power level and the dude offered me a max grade on the spot which was an unexpected heartwarming thing, yet another example how ignorant people were. They just copied commands into the terminal and still botched it. +20 seem to not even know how computers work despite being raised in it and computation being the new ultimate meta of success which is even more disappointing.
Revealing power level is tempting. A few of people I interacted in highschool sometimes ask me to translate colloqiual russian once every eternity. Or discussing a lecture after it ended with the professor pointing out a mistake since he showed a slide with japanese documentation and I could read it and spot a false claim, I felt powerful biggrin

Another gigantic chunk of population I can't form friendly bonds with is the people unable of critical thinking in good faith. They are not to be trusted, they behave nice on surface but once you do or say anything they don't like they want you dead and they are so persistent in their idiocy that no amount of good faith challenge could ever change their behavior and they have lots of friends who are like them who will bother you because of the gossips or idiotic drama seeking, besides being plain dumb and the drama benefiting nobody especially someone that is supposed to be a friend. It is very true for people who are nice to you but gossip about you. People who care so much as to check whether you have correct beliefs by asking you 'do you believe in god', 'who do you vote for', 'what do you think about gays', 'what do you think about X conflict'. I can hold any view, no view, not know about it, not care about it or whatever. What difference does it make in a friendship?
I had an experience at the train station this week where I was asked whether i believe in god and I responded with a question 'what is the correct answer?' he started because I told that man that I bless him for a fortunate outcome (I'm not buying anyone a ticket or vodka by auto-vouching alone). I just wanted to be nice and not tear it apart because of a different view because in that regard I don't care. I would anger both the believing and atheists if they were persistent and zealous enough in their belief. That question caught me and I probably said the worst possible response instead of betting on 'yes i do believe'. I could argue with him the catholic canon, prayers, saints, whatever but it wouldn't change his state and I am not cruel enough to waste his time for benefit of none of us.

Besides my affection is deep and constant. I don't want people who make me undecided whether they deserve my affection or not around, risking that I get deceived by them into giving love despite them not being completely loyal. What I love is loved by me probably forever. Old love is not as lively as the current one but I never pretend like I like or I don't like something. The games I have played since preschool are still my love, people I have known since I was little who did not betray me still have my love. Old songs, shows, my interests, struggles, stories, events they all have my uncessant love with passing decades. I don't want to add too many because it is hard to manage too many. Same with friends. I can't imagine turning down anything and anyone that earned my love at some point.

There are memories that everyone has forgotten except for me because I love things that I love and I memorized every detail of every thing that I love decades ago.
There are items I store as relics from love dating decades and I am the only who remembers their existence.
Post number No.130681
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