>>174884
I'm curious whether this whole thing comes from your preference for lolis, as in, by jerking to lolis you feel more satisfied, feel that the orgasm was "worth it", or your (using your words here) fear/anxiety towards older women/women older than you. Or both, I mean, lolis are the exact opposite of adult women in many respects, so maybe whatever fears you have towards older women are healed or cancelled by much younger women, or lolis. Would be very interesting if that's the case for you, sort of consuming lolicon works as a coping mechanism.

Actually I still don't quite understand what you're really afraid of. You mentioned your mother being abusive so maybe there's not much else to understand beyond that, you just associate women older than you with your mom, which is also a woman that is older than you. Idk this is probably simpler than it looks, sorry. Also apologies for not relating to your feelings, my attraction towards loli (and shota) comes more from them being cute and innocent and the whole taboo around it.

Do report back though, I'd love to hear more from you. We don't have these kinds of longer-form OPs very often.