If you can get some friends together, try out Khrushchev's Corner. The rules of the game are simple: open a tin of caviar and everyone will take a turn in the corner jerking off into it while they are timed. The player with the slowest record has to eat the cumviar and the player with the fastest record has to do 5 shots of vodka. Then you play again, but now the fastest player will be slower thanks to the vodka. The game ends when everyone has eaten a tin of cumviar. There are no winners in Khrushchev's Corner.

Your fortune: You have cancer